I need to remind myself that it has been joy watching my kids grow thus far and so I will probably enjoy watching them as adults too. Then I come back to the moment and enjoy what's in front of me until the morbidity creeps in again. But also you could have 50 more years so stop thinking it's all going to end in the next hour. Another breath is not guaranteed for any of us so think like today could be your last one.
In the words of Arnie from "What's eating Gilbert Grape", "I can go at anytime". First thing I do is remind myself that 1.
I often have to check myself while I am in the process of wrecking myself. I always have this countdown where I think only 7 more years of being Jet's mom until he goes to college and I have to say goodbye forever. I can start to mourn the loss of things which haven't happened yet. I have a tendency to think of the future and all the hardships that will come. I am a 6 on the enneagram so I spend most of my life contemplating death and everyone else's death around me. We used to be shocked by the fact that we both were thinking the same exact twisted and immature content, but now more times then not, the kids are finishing our sentences. It used to be my husband and I only finishing each others sentences usually with something totally absurd and uncalled for. I love that the kids pick up on all our ridiculous phrases and insert them at precisely the right time. If that can be done, we can also be friends. However, if you can't do that, at least be able to hold a 30 minute minimum conversation with me about any MacGyver episode that was aired 1985-1992. But for the love of all that is good, just see the humor in things. All I ask out of the relationships I have in my own life is make me laugh or laugh with me. If anything we have taught them it's humor(and street smarts). But the real reason I love them getting older is because of the humor factor. I love seeing what we've taught them come to fruition(and of course the good comes with the bad). I love watching them cultivate relationships and be discerning about who may or may not be a good influence. I love to watch them learn from their mistakes when they make a dumb decision. I love watching them mature and be more responsible(ish). I've been pondering recently how much I love my boys getting older. As I started pulling off my purple rubber gloves to run outside to preform whatever medical intervention was necessary, I saw my 8 year old son step out from behind a tree wearing a Carolina Panthers cheer-leading outfit holding a camera and realized they were just shooting a film. I looked out the window to see my neighbor violently fly off of his bike into the bushes. In late October, I was standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes listening to Kayne West's album Jesus is King because it had just been released and my kids had it playing non-stop.
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